Bir önceki yazıda İbrahim Kalın Bey’in “Hiç oldum” adlı bestesinden söz etmiştim. Bugün onun sözlerini açıklayalım.
“Beşer idim şaşkın oldum/ Yandım belki insan oldum/ Zahir nedir ki batın nedir ki/ Dile gelmez bir sır oldum.”
“Beşer” insan, insan türü anlamına gelir. İnsanın olgunlaşmamış, ham haline de “beşer” denir. İnsan potansiyel olarak iyiye ve kötüye elverişli bir yapıya sahiptir. Kur’an’da insanın zayıf, cahil, aceleci olduğu belirtilir; buna şaşkınlığı da ekleyebiliriz. Ama insan bir iç mücadele ile yaratılışındaki menfi güçleri müsbete çevirerek “ahsen-i takvim” seviyesine ulaşabilir. Olgunlaşma süreci zorlu bir yolculuktur. Hz. Mevlana “Hamdım, piştim, yandım” derken bu gerçeğe değinir. Yanmak arınmak demektir. Kıymetli madenler yüksek ısıda rafine edilir (tasfiye). Şiirimizdeki ikinci dizede, yandım belki ama sonunda insan (kamil insan) oldum, denir.
“Zahir” eşyanın, olayların, gerçeklerin dış yüzü, “batın” ise iç yüzü, hakikatidir. İlk nazarda bunların mahiyetini anlamak zordur. Dıştan içe intikal esrarlı bir yolculuktur. Buradaki sırlar gündelik dille anlatılamaz.
“Hakk’ın emaneti bendedir bende/ Cümle alem “ol” sözünde/ Gurbet nedir ki vuslat nedir ki/ Sana çıkan bir yol oldum.”
Kur’an’ın beyanına göre göklerin ve yerin yüklenmekten çekindiği “emanet”i insan kabul etmiştir. Ondaki ilahi nefes olan ruh da bir emanettir. Allah “ol!” demiş, cümle alem var olmuştur (Yasin, 82). Gurbet, Hak’tan ayrı düşmek, vuslat O’na kavuşmaktır. Ya Rab şaşkınlık içindeyken, şükür ki bir yol bularak sana kavuştum.
Bir gönül kırdım ah bilmeden/ Kurşunlar yağdı göklerden/ Tabip kimdir ki kalp neçedir ki/ Gelmezsen ben bir taş oldum.
Bu arada beşeriyet gereği bilmeden bir gönül kırmıştım. Oysa gönül “Çalab’ın tahtı”ydı bu yüzden pişmanlık duydum. İçime göklerden kurşun gibi ikaz nidaları geldi. Sanki; “Ey İbrahim, sen ne yaptın; ben ki, yere göğe sığmam mü’min kulumun kalbine sığarım, sen onu nasıl kırarsın!” diyordu. Sonra düşündüm, benim istemeyerek kırdığım bu gönül/ kalp nasıl bir şey acaba? Ben onu yaraladım, onun tabibi / hekimi kim olabilir? Hatırladım, Peygamber Efendimize kalblerin hekimi (tabib-i kulub) denirdi. Ey Resul, senden bana bir himmet, bir şefaat gelmezse; ey Allah’ım senin lütfun ve keremin bana ulaşmazsa, benim taştan bir farkım kalmaz.
Ateş oldum dumanım yok/ Umman oldum sahilim yok/ Kalem nedir ki kelam ne der ki/ Yarım kalan bir söz oldum.
Nihayet üzerime lütuflar yağdı, bu tecellilerle yandım, ama kimse fark etmedi; sahilsiz olan vahdet deryasına daldım. Ama bütün bunları kalemle ve sözle anlatmak imkansızdır. Kırık dökük ifadelerle ancak bu kadarını dile getirebildim.
Geldim dergahına yüz çevirme bana/ Kapılar kapandı deme/ Vücut nedir ki adem nedir ki/ Varlığında bir hiç oldum.”
Ya Rabbi, bu aciz halimle senin huzuruna geldim, benden yüz çevirme, kapılar kapandı deme, beni kabul et! “Ben” diyerek bir varlık iddia etmiyorum. Evet ben gerçekte yokluktan (adem) ibaretim. Ama senin tecelline mazhar olmak itibariyle mecazi bir varlığa sahibim. İşte bu mevcudiyetimle senin varlığında yok olarak bir “hiç” haline geldim.
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Tasavvufta “hiç olmak” insanın nefsindeki aşırılıkları törpüleyerek tamamen etkisiz hale getirmesi demektir. Bu, yok oluş değildir. Aksine tek gerçek olan Hakk’ın varlık denizine ulaşarak sonsuzca var olmaktır. (Bkz. Bu köşedeki “HİÇ” yazısı, 17.10.2019)
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